Got Love?

Valentine’s!

I saw a card that said, ‘Love is friendship set on fire,’ and I can’t agree if that’s a good thing or bad thing. Who decides what love is?

You tell yourself that it doesn’t exist anymore, that people don’t know how to love anymore, that everyone is more interested in hooking up than getting to know you and that you are destined to be alone. 

            I want to know what love is is more than just one of the 80s greatest songs. Love is more foreign now than the band Foreigner had imagined it to be. This valentine, I will be dancing on my own in this frustrating new romantic landscape, singing Here I go Again.

   
You give up on love by expecting it to be handed to you and expecting it to be easy and expecting it to be pain-free.        

Blame the much-documented rise of the “hookup culture” among young people, characterized by spontaneous, commitment-free (and often, alcohol-fueled) romantic flings. Many students today have never been on a traditional date. The word ‘date’ should almost be stricken from the dictionary. Dating culture has evolved to a cycle of text messages, each one requiring the code-breaking skills of a cold war spy to interpret.

The new date is ‘hanging out.’ It’s one step below a date, and one step above a high-five. Dinner at a romantic new bistro? Forget it. Women in their 20s these days are lucky to get a last-minute text to tag along. With or without you.

Ah, romance in the digital age!

            Raised in the age of so-called “hookup culture,” millennials — who are reaching an age where they are starting to think about settling down — are subverting the rules of courtship.

There’s nothing quite like a new generation setting out to breed. 

Do millennials give love a bad name?

            Stereotypical hookup culture creates a problem that normalizes the behavior of a few and marginalizes the behavior of everyone else who differs. Girls just wanna have fun? This assumption, though, makes those who act differently feel like they do not belong. It pushes them to the social fringe. This is true even though, as a study reported, those who don’t hookup are more numerous than those who do. Only 20% of students hookup, but the behavior is assumed to be the norm.

            Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? 'Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.' There is this theory that chivalry has been distorted, and some would even say it is inexistent or “dead.” Most women immediately think that it is the men that have gone wrong and trashed the immaculate virtue of chivalry.

            The problem is that young men and women today don’t even know how to get out of hookup culture, and that leaves a generation unhappy, sexually unfulfilled, and confused about intimacy. In interviews with students, many graduating seniors did not know the first thing about the basic mechanics of a traditional date. They’re wondering, ‘If you like someone, how would you walk up to them? What would you say? What words would you use?’ 

            Never has talking become easier since the rise of the digital age. On one hand, connection feels much easier. But on another hand, we disconnect on another level.

Is connecting still the same, or is it evolving?

            Decades ago, people were limited in their means of signaling attraction. Their methods might have included passing notes or openly flirting. But today, through the digital world, one can signal attraction by either liking or commenting on their crush’s statuses. Technological advancements have not only changed boundaries, but social interaction as we know it. Although these changes have also brought about new norms and unspoken rules, they cannot be used to build sturdy or genuine connections concerning love.

You give up on love the day you stop listening to your heart and who it beats for. 

            Time after time, genuine connections come from more than just words and pictures on a computer screen. They come from shared moments of laughter, sorrow, enjoyment and even pain, but most importantly these interactions must be personal. If two people are able to successfully connect on a personal level, digital advancements can certainly help sustain the bond.

This valentine, take a walk on the wild side and give yourself the love you seek and the universe will send you people who match it. Don't give up on love.

Don’t stop believing.